Are You a 'Super Communicator'?

There are few things I enjoy more than delving into human development materials and then figuring out how they might relate to the world of horses and humans.

Currently, Charles Duhigg's book 'Super Communicators' has my mind dancing, cart wheeling and pontificating on its relevance to horses. I have always been interested in communication. As the middle kid of a complicated family, I learnt at a young age to put a high premium on 'reading the room'. I knew the value of sensing with my entire being and would often prefer to listen rather than filling the space with the externalisation of my own thoughts. I have sometimes wondered if this is the reason why I have always gravitated towards liberty with horses. All horse development has sensing, listening and putting the connection first pretty near the top of the list. With liberty, it is even more so.

So what are the aspects of the book that really connected with me?

Firstly, Charles Duhigg describes the basic art of the super communicator as 'matching the other person, and then inviting them to match back'. What simple genius this is! Relating this to horses, it is a wonderful (and essential) starting place to enter the horses frame of reference first. As much as we humans can realistically do this given our sensory and biological differences. Can we enter the space and match and mirror, rather than a starting point of imposition and assumption? To enter any meeting with a horse, with a 'business as usual' mindset, is a fast way to squash any authentic relationship. Yet it happens all around us. What an opportunity we miss if we neglect to start from a place of gently extending our awareness and sensing of our horses, to locate that open space of possibility. For some horses the space is a minute chink in their armour, for others, it is as wide as the ocean, but find it we must.

Another concept that jumped out and connected was that all conversations are 'negotiations'. Charles Duhigg extends the concept further in the form of 'quiet negotiations', the aim of which is to understand, as opposed to win, the exchange. It is easy to discount the frequency of conversations that seek to 'win', especially with horses, as rare. I feel they are in fact, common place. Within human negotiations, we are all too often hyper-focused on making our point, and with horses, even more so. It is a seemingly high order skill to interact from a space of open understanding, as opposed to routinely imposing a succession of wishes or perspectives. It is one that I feel increasingly invested in with horses. It's definitely something to stay consciously in touch with when developing liberty. Consistently asking 'am I seeking to understand' enables us to develop positive and productive ways of being with our horses. We need to be energetically permeable to our horse. They have every right to be seated at the conversational table with us.

I genuinely find these reminders so helpful personally and this is my intent in sharing them with you. The reminders to stay present, to listen more than speak, to come from a place of enquiry with all horses, including the ones that we know well are always welcome. And yes, especially so for the horses (and humans!) that we know well, as the failure to retain the 'beginners mind' with our longstanding relationship can quickly see them slide into the realm of assumption and staleness.

And finally, a closing reminder to enjoy the journey in doing so. The 'destination', should that even exist at all, is nothing but a transitory moment, whereas the journey, is our entire life.