Losing the Fight
What are your assumptions when you read these words?
What do you FEEL when you read these words?
Oh NO! She's LOSING the fight! How awful!
We are so used to doing battle with life.
We struggle, battle and strive to achieve.
We push and wrestle with others. We spar with our emotions. We battle illness. We fight and reject our own reflection in the mirror. We pull apart and push against the reality of each moment, choosing almost exclusively to construct our own false reality in favour to that which is unfolding naturally all around us.
Us humans... always with the pushing, forcing and insisting, no matter how obviously or subtly. There it is... always.
It is such a challenge sometimes, to express how my relationship with equus is unfolding. It is my own path which makes it unique. A totally unique combination of my own personal energies and those of the unique personalities and energies of the horses in my life. Yet I know without a doubt that what I am going through and growing through, is happening for you too.
Recently, I found myself with my fingers hovering over the 'buy now' button of a pretty expensive online course that I was very tempted to purchase. I was pretty sure in my mind's eye that this course would propel me forward in all kinds of wonderful ways.
Yet the course remains un-purchased for strength of the voice in my heart, not in my head.
I can afford the course... I have the time and facility to now do the course... yet I know to hold tight and trust in what is unfolding in the deepest, most wisdom filled aspect of my being. The course would for now, run the risk of entering into more fighting. For now, I am trusting in what is softening and unfolding inside of me that is giving me all of the answers.
The past few years of committing to openness has hurt. It hurts to be honest with yourself. It hurts when you admit that it is YOU that is at fault. It is easy to look around and attach the blame to whoever is standing next you. It takes a willingness to endure ,to look deep inside and see what needs to shift in you. To make the real and enduring difference.
This journey can never be found in a step by step programme focused primarily on the horse with a bit of superficial personal development thrown in at the periphery. It just isn't.
It is in the day to day commitment to opening up... to being real... to not letting yourself off the hook... to keep looking, looking, LOOKING at yourself until you really feel that you can't take it any more. But if we do...
The kinks, glitches and blockages fall away. Dead... to the ground, to hinder us no more.
The movement we need. The distance we MUST travel. The emotional response that heals. The healing touch rather than the lifeless 'aid' described in a book springs forth. Almost out of nowhere. Except, it is not out of nowhere. It is out of you. The very best, most whole part of you that rises to the surface. Unmistakably and brilliantly guiding you to be exactly where, how and who you need to be for your horse. There is no need for me to urge you to trust this. When you feel it, you know with every ounce of you that it is for real and utterly trustworthy. No need for external validation or confirmation.
This journey cannot be bought with money. It is not in a book, a course or a teacher though all of these can point in a helpful direction. Only you can feel, find and experience it. You alone in the inner most core of your true being.
You have nothing to lose but the fight.